so i'm talking to my friend Crease on the phone the other night, and she tells me she's havin a tough time with life right now. she's sick all the time, drama at work, drama with school, drama with strange bi coworkers (and if you know Crease, that's pretty funny)... and even drama with getting meds for being sick. and she throws in, "and no one understands what i'm going through!" and i tell her, you know, i may not know what you're going through, but i see that you're hurt and i HATE that. i hate that life is sucking for you right now, and "i promise it'll get better. stuff always gets better."

and she says, "that's what everyone says. you know what, when i get to heaven, the first thing i'm gonna do, is go beat the CRAP out of Adam and Eve! then i'm gonna go say hi to Jesus." and please envision her voice being ALL angry for the first sentence... and insanely cute for the last sentence. yeah. it made my night.

i totally feel like that sometimes though. everything in life is just always a hassle, a struggle, a mixed-up teenager packin a gat for school and managing to bring it back home everyday. sometimes even forgetting it's in the bag. but things do get better though... right?

there's this comic from sinfest that made me chuckle - it's completely sarcastic but it has a point:


seriously, i love God - i do. but sometimes, i just gotta ask why stuff always has to be like it is. i mean, He proves his existence in my life almost on a daily basis, and actually - i never give Him enough credit for that...
and even amidst that - i still question Him, and His intentions for my life, and what He's doing in other people's lives...
and why i haven't been able to sleep for the past week, and why i constantly have nightmares - even after i read the Bible and pray... seriously. like i fell asleep at 11:30 last night, only to gain consciousness at 1:30 AM because i saw someone next to my bed - only the side of him, and his arms looking through stuff on my nightstand, and as my eyes started to focus the figure literally became invisible right before my eyes.

of course it scared the crap out of me. what the hell am i seeing? what am i so scared of? why can't i just shut my eyes and sleep for at least 6 hours like everyone else? *sigh. i think i'm going to need more prayers. i also found out my uncle in Pakistan (that i had the honor to go visit in the hospital while i was there) died last night. he was the first person to hold me when i was born, and has the same birthday i do. yeah. he's definitely in a better place at least, and i find solace in knowing he's not suffering anymore. it's sad that he's gone though...

as much as I know God is always with me... well... hmm. i think maybe my faith needs some strengthening. there has to be something in my life i need to change... and i hope God reveals it to me soon. i'm tired of walking around like a zombie. and i hate that i question God or can get all sarcastic about Him in a blink of an eye.
oh.
maybe that's why...
ha.