so i've realized something - of all the music i listen to - there's always a few that are ALWAYS stuck in my head, and cycle through my mind constantly. i've decided to list them out. i don't know why. maybe i'll learn something about myself. you guys should try it too. i luv sneakin peeks into your minds. =)

Sneaker Pimps - 6 Underground (i think this is the sexiest song in the world)
"don't think cuz i'm talkin...we're friends... on the ground, watch his face... i'm open, to falling from grace..."

Pearl Jam - Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town
"hearts and thoughts they fade....fade away..."

Prodigy - Out of Space
"i'm gon send 'im, to out of space...to fiiind a betta place..."

Happy2BHardcore chapter 6 - track 3 (i think this is my theme song)
"if this is true - what i've found - what will i think? will i stay? or better i will get away...
i'm scared that...i won't find a thing. i'm afraid - that i'll turn out to be alone...
but i - i have to learn, have to try, i have to trust, i have to cry -
have to see, have to know...that i can be myself..."

Macy Gray - I Try unfortunately, this one's stuck in my head more than i'd like it to be.
"i try to say goodbye and i choke, try to walk away and i stumble...though i try to hide it -
it's clear. my world crumbles when you are not here."

The Presidents of the United States of America - Naked & Famous
"everybody wants to be just like me - i'm naked! aaaaand faaamous...."

Fiona Apple - Across the Universe
"words are flowing out like endless rain into a papercup..." this whole song is amazing really.
and another song is Slow Like Honey (also a sexy song)
"you moved like honey...in my dream last night...yeah - some old fires, were burning"

Marvelous 3 - Freak of the Week
"will you make me a promise - stop it before it begins
will you hold on to my head - if i ever lose it again"

Supreme Beings of Leisure - Strangelove Addiction
"you're as thin as rain, and me i wear my heart - like a red stain...
i feel, that i am not enough for you - i just don't measure up.
i feel - this constant conditon...my strange, strangelove addiction
strange - strange love addiction...strange..."

AK 1200 - Drowning
"Stay with me, just for a day and - let your soul come and rest for a minute now
share your mind if you have some time, i would - love to sit and talk to you
i will wait, if you ask me to, but i - won't stay here forever now
i know your heart can keep me warm if you - let me stay"

Sense Field - Save Yourself
"Turn out the light, just say goodnight, to yourself -
may i remind you, when you find you are alone's when
you - you've got to be strong. that's when they call you
in the night. he's got your picture, in his mind, he's got
your number, on a paper, at his disposal, anytime..."

Seven Places - Little
"you, i only want to spend my time with you - i cracked my skin
so i could be with you - i made the world to stop it just for you...
i want to be with you."

and another song that struck my soul - it's on my MySpace profile now:
Flyleaf - All Around Me
"i can feel you all around me - thickening the air i'm breathing -
holding on to what i'm feeling - savoring this heart that's healing..."

know what my favorite animal is?

it's pandas.

why?

they have dark circles around their eyes like i do.

sarah and fam,

damn. that's sad to hear. the shitty thing is, we've only seen him like once in our life. and we were young as fuck. i was figuring when i got out we could kill some of my loot and we could all go and visit our family. but i guess that surprise got nixed. i did pray for him when you first emailed me. i don't really know what to say i guess. grieving and then life goes on. it happens. kinda trips you out on your own parents deaths, as well as your own. either way, grandpa was like the bomb guy, always loving and straight shooter with God. You know he's living it up in heaven. it'll suck for a while but eventually we'll see him. play some karem board or something. anyway, 2 days ago our vehicle got hit with a bomb, i was in the third vehicle...but it was our first vehicle that got hit. 130 mm mortar round. no one got seriously hurt, we had to drag the driver out of his hatch cuz he was unconscious. i hooked him up, he was shook up like a mofo. everyone else is okay. it was crazy the way it happened too, it was in the center of the road and when it rolled over it, it blew up and it went like a foot behind the driver, any faster or slower and someone probably would have died. i don't know how or why that worked out, God's working with us, that's apparent. anyway, yesterday we jacked some boats, made little kids ferry us across the tigris river, did alot of moving around, i cleared a building by myself, almost shot a guy. caught a bad guy, ferried him across the river, cuffed him..and now he's detained. i was freaking out cuz i don't know how to swim, hahaha. anyway, we're still getting mortared i woke up today to a fucking loud ass blast. lol this place sucks. well, i have to go. we got patrol, also me and a buddy want you to hook us up with some t shirt designs. we'll draw it up and email it. and then you can work it up a bit do your thang and send it back and if it's cool we'll pay you, it'll be like 10 guys, hit em up with like 25 a piece or something. you can make some profit too. peace out cub scout.

your bro in arms,
simon

ps - deepest condolences...

take care

we just got the call. my grandpa has passed on.

i'm glad you're in heaven now.
i wish i could have known you.
so i'm giving you a piece of my heart -
it's not in the best condition,
but God's working on that.
it's something i can give you,
that will never leave me.
so if you would, please stay with me.
just for a little while,
until i see what i'm supposed to,
and my mom lets go of what she needs to.
i will love you just the same.

thank you for being a good man,
for keeping God in your heart,
and passing Him into our hearts.

I will meet you when that time comes.
but until then, i will never forget you.
God be with us... and thank you...
for taking care of my grandpa.

i have a feeling he's in good hands.

ok, so i just found out my grandpa in Pakistan had a stroke i believe - his entire left side was paralyzed for a while. he's in the hospital with my other relatives, and they say he's in critical condition, but he is stabilizing. they say he's breathing on his own now. i was typing my friends an email about movies, and had no idea what was going on until my mom hung up the phone and called out my name. then her voice cracked and i heard nothing else - i looked at her and saw her eyes welled up with tears and she told me my grandpa's left side was paralyzed. she then said, " i don't know if i'll get to see my parents alive." and for the first time in over 10 years, my mom cried in front of me. and i walked up to her and held her - and i felt pain. the kind that blindsides you because you're so caught up in your own life. that pain of realizing your own thoughts cast sidelong glances at what's wrong with the world, or worse - what's wrong with yourself or what may be wrong in the lives of people around you. the people who you are close to. i had to write about this. this is something i need to think about. some of my thoughts are revolving around how selfish i am with my time and energy, the lack of relationships i have between my relatives in Pakistan... i don't even know my grandparents. the last time i saw them i was only 7.
am i prepared to go to a funeral there? how is my mom going to take that... how much pain will she feel? *sigh
i'm glad she lives with me. all i can do is be there for her - and pray that we do get the chance to see my grandparents... soon.

that was a comic this asian guy made from the comment i left him on his myspace which read:
"just wanted to say what's up. hope you have a great week as well - *throws a smoke bomb on the floor and disappears"
see? asians are so fucking cool.
and also check out these tshirts: http://www.snorgtees.com/

hmm, this has been the worst day i've had in a long time...
and yet it's the best i've had at the same time.
work is really starting to stress me out. i usually pride in what i do - and i think i'm loved for what i do...
except everything's different now...
i have more work than i've ever had before. i'm expected to complete those projects faster than before. i was told to not be creative anymore. to make everything - formulaic.
let's just take "hum" out of "human" while we're at it. i don't feel like singing anyways.
*sighhhhhh. ah but it is life. always a fight. and my 23 years of wisdom has taught me - i fight myself more than anything in this world. my attitudes, my thoughts, my fears, my dreams, my nightmares...
i want to be in control - of a life i have no control over. ha. oh mindgames don't fail me now - i have bones to pick your teeth with. and there's a point i wanted to make... but eh. it's just nice to hear my keyboard and realize it's actually me typing. a sound i zone out too much - thoughts of my own being that i suppress and lose thinking space to.

on the other hand...
MY MOM GOT A JOB TODAY!!!! (note to self: email your brother about this). WOO HOOOO!!!! God i can't thank you enough for everything you provide. despite how screwed up we are - you still take care of us. ah yes, my Lord and Savior. i've been ignoring you lately. i think i'm coming to learn there's no balance between you and the world. i love the world. i'm supposed to love it. i'm supposed to love you more. i think my journey with you will be a bumpy one. but those are the most fun aren't they? who knows. i don't.
i don't know anything.

oh yeah, i saw a license plate on a sky blue Alero that made my day. it said, "SUP BRA".
hahahaha

i'm going to finish my hibiscus tea now.
and let my pondery thoughts wandery wander.
*mwah

so if anyone's ever wondering what would make a good gift for sarah...
i'd really appreciate the books that Tat's put out of his comics.
i would LOVE that.

mital woke me up this morning trying to figure out a weekend i could go down to Ft. Worth and go apartment shopping with her. i was so freaking groggy from the night before i could barely understand what she was saying, but i totally caught this part:

"Well, why don't we go Friday, and have Saturday, and you can leave Sunday...
OH CRAP! We can't do that! I'll probably have to WORK on Friday!!!"

even i had forgotten that she's got a job now.

ah, my mital. finally working.
now if that idea would just sink in and stay in...
HA!

wow, friday night was such a blast... many of the quotes were when we were sober - and then the end of the night was great too - it's just i can't remember specific things to write about... anyways, in the usual manner, i do not astray:

"Hugh Hefner on the outside...Playboy on the inside!!" - autumn

autumn: what do you do with goblets?
jeremy: uh, drink anything you want out of 'em
sarah: yeah...i'm gonna mix potions in 'em later...

jer: is this thing still on? the red light mean it's recording?
aut: up...better not say something stupid...
sar: AH! I JUST FUCKED MYSELF IN THE ASS!!!!

"wow, this boston creme pie is moist...like a brazilian jungle or something..." &
"really? you need help going shopping? cuz i can get off on that..." - sarah

jer: Here! Take an extra bite of Vengeance!
aut: yeah, to get back at him, i'll just get REAL fat!
jer: i call this ANGRY EATIN!!! arrrrrrrr!!!!!!!

sarah: there's a direct correlation between how much cleavage you're showing and how much you'll get hit on...


jer: i wonder how people can spend 2 hours getting ready...
sar: i did it last night
aut: WHAT?? WHY? - FOR WHAT?!!!
sar: well...i wanted to look good for skillfest...
(autumn about dies laughing)
jer: wait, what's skillfest?
aut: IT'S AN EMPLOYEE WORKSHOP DAY!!!!

jer: if she's doing that on purpose,
aut: SHE DESERVES A FUCKIN OSCAR!

jer: yeah, we're kinda the mild ones of the group - We're Andy and Opie!
sar: what? what's that?
autumn dies laughing and says, "it's white people tv"
jer: yeah, we'll get back to your world here in a second...

"you're so coldhearted. we need to have a workshop." - autumn to sarah

in talking about how small of a high school autumn and jeremy went to...
she says: especially when you have only 3 boys and 3 girls to choose from...
jeremy says: Sooner or later, you're gonna be like, "ooh, She's CUTE!
i think you know who i'm talkin about!"
autumn says softly: yeah, not you... i've already had you...

He's got his penis inside some otha Ho! - autumn

"i'm so hot, i'd fuckin fuck myself." - crease

and i want to stop and mention here - that Chyanne is fucking hilarious! i don't remember half the shit she said, but all of it had me laughing the entire night. i do remember somethin bout Reba, George Strait, George Allan, Lindsey something, Lacey Curtains... yeah i dunno. they're all the same to me. she definitely needs to hang out with us more often. good times to be had with that one...

and oh yes, i danced to the Cotton Eyed Joe for the first time in my life. what a strange fuckin dance.

crease left these random ass messages on my voice recorder thing (yes, this is how the magic of these quotes is goin down) and in one of them she started singing Sugar Ray's "Fly" - but the words went like: " iiiiii just wanna fly - high oh so high - like a nigga in the sky."

"Once i kiss you, i'll be fucking done with you." - sarah

====TRANSMISSION END====

on the way to Chili's, autumn had said, "i can do the whole binge-eating part... it's the throwing-it-back-up part i can't do. oh yeah!"

and then at Chili's...we sat down and saw the beers and she said, "oh look, they have Genius!"

ok, crease is kinda "dating" (i pause here because i just recalled her tshirt that says, "Hanging Out is Not Dating" *totally laughing to myself) - this really weird guy, who's kinda psycho-stalkerish... just without the physical stalking part. i think cellular-stalking is more his thing - what with the text messages (about CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY things that you just don't text message - and yes, she saved them all) and calling seven times in an hour and whatnot. anyways, she's never kissed the guy, never held his hand - and he planned on marrying her this summer. they've gone out for...6, 7 weeks i think... and he mentioned marriage within the 2nd week. anyways, she's had some help in concocting a brilliant 3-part-plan to break up with him (so he doesn't become 'dentist') - and the first part of the plan kinda fell through. Phase One of the plan is to tell him "things are moving too fast..."
so crease tells him, "things are moving too fast..."
and he said, "oh, so you wanna get married in 2 years instead?"

she had to go back to her office once she got done telling me that, and after she picked my lower jaw off the floor, she said, "come see me later, i'll show you those mexages." oh man, that girl kills me.

haha - now the rest of this post will be about how susie cracked me up the other day, and it might help to imagine everything susie says in a peruvian spanish accent. maybe that's why they crack me up so much... anyways:

sarah: but i never see pimples on your face...
susie: that's because i color them.

"hey, what did you do to my grandpa? did you throw him away already?" - susie

sarah: am i your coolest friend?
susie: yes
sarah: what?! dude, i totally set you up for that one. you could have totally said, "more like my weirdest friend" or something like that...
susie: no, because then you would have believed me. and how would you get over THAT?